Body Image why am I so fucked up? A personal story. 

Ok 👌🏻 

Let’s start with a quick background on why I am so fucked up. Emotionally I have exhausted myself over the years trying to fit the smaller pair of jeans and trying to squeeze into a dress the size of a straw only to realise now at 28 that I have fucked it up totally. That’s right! 28 and only just admitting to myself that I allowed beauty and body standards to affect my every day thoughts from when I was a tiny girl. My confidence became based on the idealistic standards of men. To be accepted by a man and told I was beautiful filled that gap in my brain, that little girl inside of me who was always feeling ugly. Most of you are probably like “she has such poor confidence” or “WTF” & other women that are out there that just like to shit on everyone else because they can but others of you know exactly where I am coming from. Exactly how it feels.

Can you believe that when I was younger I thought that I was UGLY! WTF!? I was just a little girl in an over commercialised world trying to live my life but every direction I looked all I could see were stereotypes of body types that I wasn’t. I was too big. I was bigger than the other girls in my class. In my little head I was the ugliest girl in the school and nobody liked me. Nobody wanted to be my friend. The number on the scales became my enemy.  My hair was to frizzy and it stuck out when short. I had fat instead of abs. I had big arms and I looked like an Olympic swimmer. I had a big butt when everyone else wanted small butts. Mine didn’t look the same in jeans. It didn’t do that thing where it cups up. It was just like a blob straight from thick legs to thicker ass.  I wanted to look like the model in girlfriend or atleast one of the girls in my class. Truth being I was a red head. One of only two or three in my school. So yeah always been bullied or teased at school and always been told I’m different or weird. For how I look. For how I dress. For how I act. Over the years I learnt to accept the teasing and later in highschool although I still had poor body image I decided that I would try as hard as possible to be as fashionable as the girls in Dolly or Girlfriend and I made my own clothes because my mum was a dressmaker. Nobody in my school liked my clothes and they called me weird. Well nobody would say hey I like your clothes.  Mum taught me how to make my body look beautiful through sewing and I have used those skills and grown with them through extra studies in fashion design. When I was 15 I got braces. I used to cover my face when I smiled and go bright red. I would purposefully not eat in front of anyone so they couldn’t see the food stuck in my teeth. I avoided dating because I was scared if I kiss a guy I might scratch them although I used to dream about it haha 😂. Skip forward to when I was 21 I fell in love with an Indian and married him. The relationship was not necessarily passionate but it was just like having a best friend. The relationship became toxic just before we married. He made me throw out my wardrobe of vintage that I had collected from thrift stores and switched it for covered clothing in brand names. I wasn’t allowed to wear a singlet top because my boobs looked to enticing for other men.  Then he started deleting men’s numbers who were my friends on my phone. Blocking them on Facebook. I couldn’t talk to anyone because I was firstly embarrassed. My ego was too large to allow myself to admit the flaws in my relationship and the people I told said I should leave him. Which I was unable to do. I wasn’t strong enough to walk away. When I showed him sass he would hit me. I lived in this world trying to show everyone I was happily married while behind closed doors we were so unhappy. I cried almost every second night. It was horrible. I got anxiety and I became so stressed. It didn’t help that I was studying fashion full time. Working casually and attempting to be a 21 year old wife aswell Sure there were good times and bad times but as an empath married to a narcissist I allowed myself to become a victim of the situation. I allowed my poor confidence and body image to allow him to treat me how he did. I made excuses for him. I became the queen of excuses. The time I went to fashion class with a black eye I said I had run into a door. I didn’t have enough respect for myself to walk away. I needed him to tell me I was beautiful. I needed him to stay with me so we could build a life that I was told from when I was a child was what women do. Women get married. They sew and they cook and whatever the man says goes. Happily married people stay together forever. But we weren’t happy. After five years he left the country and asked for a divorce and within 6 months was back with a new wife. I felt used and abused. I still love to sew and cook but I’m starting to think that being in a relationship while I have poor body image and so many years ignoring the true root of my problems. The Universe will bring you the same relationships until you learn your lesson and it did. Again and again. I couldn’t accept the nice guy because I thought he was too good for me. Too handsome. Too strong. Too kind. Then the other narcissistic guys I knew were bad from the beginning but I persisted because I thought that they were suitable for someone like me. Little did I realise what I was doing wrong. I needed to take the time to learn to love myself again. I need to do my hair and my makeup. I needed to leave those guys that treat me badly. The ones who take advantage of my loyalty, my genuineness and the gifts I give. These assholes aren’t going to change. These mummas boys who are told they have golden dicks since they were babies. Whose respect for women goes as far as their penis depth in your vagina.

 I needed to believe I am special. I needed to tell myself hey you are beautiful! You are gorgeous! You can achieve all your goals by yourself! You don’t need a man! You don’t need a fucking man! I repeat…. I am beautiful and I deserve more than that and if you have a similar story so do you deserve to be treated with respect and gentleness. Learn to respect your body. There are plenty of men out there willing to jump hoops to make you happy but part of that is teaching them how to look after you and letting the good eggs have a chance.

 I had the most unlucky encounter of dating a man who I let have full control of me. He thought that if I didn’t want to have sex it was ok for him to force me. Thought it was a game I would play. These types of things are hard to deal with emotionally and physically. If this is happening to you you have to build your confidence and break free of the cycle. 

 Learn to empower yourself. Exercise. Drink alcohol. Do whatever you feel you have to do to go and be happy again. Yoga and wine is an awesome combination btw. Crying helps aswell. Just cry out every bad thought you have had about yourself. Or even pretend you are talking to your inner child and tell her she is beautiful💋Empower yourself like you never have before. 


John Galliano

Picture from Jan welters

Born in Gibraltor and I know your like where the hell is Gibraltor or I was anyway so I looked it up. It’s a territory on the edge of Spain that is British and a part of the UK. 
John Galliano is both British and Spanish and his outgoing creativity and attitude to life has made him so very successful! 

Named British designer of the year four times and ran Givenchy in 1995 Christian Dior in 1996 and John Galliano 1988 to 2011 followed by Maison Margiela which he is currently running.

Juan Galliano whose mother was a Flamenco teacher actually was teased a lot in English boys grammar because of his clothes being flamboyant and interesting. 

Galliano graduated from Saint Martins school of art in 1984 with first collection “les Incroyables” being inspired by the French Revolution. Which was a great success and was sold at Browns the retailer.

After some time with his own label John Galliano went bankrupt in 1990 and even though he was financially at wits end he knew what he wanted and he didn’t give up! He moved to Paris and began again with financial backing from Moroccan designer Faycal Amor.

His first show hit the runway in 1989 as a part of Paris Fashion Week. 

In 1993 Amor cut his backing and Anna Wintour Vogue editor in chief  and André Leon Talley European correspondent for Vaniry Fair introduced Galliano to a backer Sao Schlumberger, John Bult and Mark Rice. They backed his label and gave him credibility to market his designs amongst the Parisians. 

Amongst all the social drama and the wild party life John Galliano is an amazing designer and will be in the history books of fashion forever. 

Here is his latest collection for Maison Margiela 

Jimmy Choo

Image from Buro247

Jimmy Choo king of the shoe 👠 is a Malaysian designer based in the U.K. Who was born in Penang and whose real last name was Chow. 

We all know him as a major player in the footwear arena with his shoes being worn by the most famous people on the planet with a price tag to match the awesome unique designs he delivers. 

Jimmy Choo made his first pair of shoes at 11 after being born into a family of shoe makers where he was taught by his father.

Before Jimmy was noticed he was working as a cleaner in a shoe factory and in restaurants aswell as studying at what is now the London College of Fashion.

In 1986 he opened his own shop which due to the nature of his work became noticed landing him in an 8 page feature in Vogue and the backing of princess Dianna in 1988 who absolutely loved his handmade shoes. 

In 1996 Jimmy Choo started Jimmy Choo limited with vogue accessories editor Tamara Mellon. If you look at articles in vogue there was a somewhat dramatic break up there. Need I say no more. 

Jimmy Choo sold his 50% stake in Jimmy Choo limited for 10 million pounds but the shoes still make me breathless. Such beauty and elegance. He now concentrates on the Jimmy Choo couture line licenced from jimmy Choo limited.

Because Jimmy Choo isn’t doing ready to wear anymore and is only doing custom here is a video with him teaching from Curtin University on YouTube. It’s genius!

If you still need to see the latest Jimmy Choo limited check this link. Shimmer in the Dark The latest collection by Jimmy Choo Ltd.

Stella McCartney

Image from The telegraph

English born fashion designer and daughter of Paul McCartney of the Beatles Stella McCartney was born to fame. 

Known for her use of animal friendly fabrics in design and her animal rights position. 

At 16 Stella interned at Christian Lacroix  and worked for her fathers Savile row tailor Edward Sexton for many years to learn the trade. Studying at Ravensbourne college of design and communication followed by Central Saint Martins and her final collection was modelled for free by Naomi Campbell, Yasmin Le Bon & Kate Moss. 
In 1997 McCartney was appointed to creative director of Chloé. 

In 2001 Stella launched her own fashion house Stella McCartney as a part of the Gucci group(now known as Kering…. they basically own a bunch of luxury labels founded in 1963 based in Paris) 

It owns luxury brands including Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Balenciaga, Alexander McQueen, Bottega Veneta, Boucheron, Brioni, as well as Puma and Volcom in its Sport & Lifestyle portfolio . 

In 2003 Stella launched her own fragrance Stella and 2007 her skin care line Care. 
In 2008 McCartney launched her lingerie line.

In November 2010 McCartney launched her children’s wear line. 

In November 2016 McCartney launched her first men’s wear collection. 

Here’s Stella McCartneys 2017 2018 Fall Winter Collection 

Top 5 celebrity Halloween costumes 2017 

1. Sara Sampaio- in a world where the majority of people only care about how they look. Sara makes fun of the superficial. 
2. Heidi Klum- dressing as an old woman takes preps. 

3. Rita Ora as poison Ivy. Honestly one of my my favourite costume ideas of all time. 

4. Shanina Shaik goes space girl. Always hot especially when there is a platinum body suit involved!

5. Kim Kardashian & good friend Jonathan Cheban as Sony and Cher. Kimmy has absolutely rocked it showing her fit waist. 

Carolina Herrera

Image from House of Herrera

Venezuala born designer Carolina Herrera showed her first collection in 1981 at the Newyork Metropolitan club. 
Designing Caroline kennedys bridal gown in 1986 Carolina follows it up with her first bridal collection in 1987 and fragrance in 1988 for women and 1991 releases her first fragrance for men. In 2000 Herrera opens her flagship store in Newyork on Maddison Avenue & 75th street. 

In 2001 Herrera releases CH Carolina Herrera her first lifestyle collection of ready to wear for men women and children in Madrid Spain. 

In 2004 the council of Fashion Designers awards Herrera the “Women’s Fashion Designer of the Year Award”. In 2008 the Council of Fashion Designers awards Herrara a “Geoffrey Beene Lifetime Achievement Award”. 

Here is her latest 2017/2018 winter fall collection

Jean Paul Gaultier 

Image from Vogue

French born designer Jean Paul Gaultier was never formally trained but from sheer talent was picked up in the 1970’s by Pierre Cardin then in 1971 worked with Jean Patou and Jacques Esterel before releasing his first signature collection in 1976. Jean Paul Gaultier was playful and fun in his design and inspired by popular culture. He influenced streetwear in the 80’s. Gaultier was popularised by his use of unusual models and his introduction of the man skirt.

Gaultier was the creative director of Hermes from 2003-2010.

In 2017 Jean Paul Gaultier released his Fall winter 2017/2018 collection

Pierre Cardin

Image from Pierre Cardin

Italian born designer Pierre Cardin (born 2.7.1922 Pietro Cardin) moved to France from when he was 2 and grew up in Saint Etienne. 
In 1945 moves to France and begins work for Paquin and the Schiaparelli. In 1946 he was hired as a tailor by Christian Dior and privately designs masks and costumes for the movie beauty and the beast La Belle et La Bête. 
In 1950 he starts his own company designing masks and costumes for the theatre 

In 1954 he designs the bubble dress which is a global sensation and opens his own Parisian boutique Eve. 

In 1959 Pierre Cardin releases his first women’s ready to wear collection. 

In 1960 Pierre Cardin releases his first men’s ready to wear collection “Cylindre or cylinder”.

In 1963 Pierre Cardin releases his first ready to wear womens haute couture collection. 
In 1966 Pierre Cardin releases his first children’s collection using triplets as models from Paris.

In 1972 he releases his first men’s perfume “Pour Monsieur” 

In 1977, 1979 & 1982 receives the gold thimble of French Haute Couture from Cartier. 

In 2017 Pierre Cardin has been designing for 70 years. 

Here are the latest Designs of Pierre Cardin 


Image from Vital
Mindfulness has developed over the last couple of years. It is the lifestyle of living in the now. The term mindfulness is broadly what professionals are trying to teach people through such techniques as meditation and cognitive behaviour therapy. 

It’s basically teaching your mind to be present in the now when your body and mind is wanting to wander to whatever else you have to do. 
Mindfulness is where you are aware.  In the moment you are aware about what you are doing and whatever it may be that you are doing you are fully present.

Training your brain to be fully aware in the moment is a technique that anyone can use to relax the brains reaction to the harsh realities of social expectation and stress caused from day to day living.

Slowing down your reaction to the world by taking things one thing at a time and pausing to breathe can really relax any person with heightened stress levels. 
If you slow down and control your reaction it will in the long term cause you much less stress. For instance if you miss the train instead of over reacting and stressing about what you can’t control. No problem, just catch the next train and don’t stress. If you have to get somewhere but want to be early but also don’t want to pay tolls to drive the fast way. Just relax and take the non toll way and take the extra ten minutes to get where you need to go. These are pretty simplified examples but in a full of stress world reacting badly or being quick to act can actually cause more problems in the future.

Keep walking inspiration 

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. ~Buddhist Saying

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